Reflections on energy

Sometimes I sit and just think over what’s been happening in my life
I like taking a step back and ask “did I do the best I could have done? Wasn’t I selfish? Did I not hurt someone?”
It helps me with tomorrow and maintaining relationships
Many a time I’ve stopped mid-way in doing something becoz I’ve just asked myself “do I really need to do that? Will it change anything for the better?”
If not, then sometimes I stop
When I don’t stop I ask myself why I did that
Sounds confusing……..
Even I sometimes wonder at what I say
At times I’m guarded and don’t say what I truly believe in for fear of starting an argument
The times I say what I feel amazing revelations usually come up
Recently it’s emerged that it’s different from what people expected of me
It’s not that radical but I’m asking myself “am I changing?”
This word keeps coming to my mind when I try to explain something
LAZY
I refuse that I’m lazy coz I’m not
The frequency with which it’s coming to my mind is just too much for me to ignore
Maybe, just maybe, there are things I’m ignoring
Maybe there are things I’m taking for granted
I really need to home in on this word
It’s really bugging me
Indolent, lethargic, apathetic- I don’t like such words being associated with ME!